My Girlfriend and I Cannot Get Married. Ought to We Break Up?

My girlfriend and I’ve been collectively for 13 years. We’re in our late 30s. However we have solely lived in the identical metropolis for 2 of these years. (We stay on reverse coasts of the US now.) Due to cultural variations, we can not get married or disclose our relationship to household or pals. The issue: I lately met one other girl I like. She likes me too, and I do know we might simply get married. However I really feel ashamed of my emotions for her. I have not cheated on my girlfriend, however I have not informed both girl concerning the different. I am questioning if I ought to break up with my girlfriend to make it simpler for her to search out somebody new. Or will that trigger extra issues?


I am sorry you are feeling trapped by your tradition. The issue with secrets and techniques, although, is that from a distinct angle, they appear to be lies. I’ll respect your declare that the “cultural variations” between you and your girlfriend (whether or not racial, ethnic or spiritual) require secrecy about your relationship — although, frankly, it sounds such as you wish to keep away from problem with household and pals over a conviction you do not share.

What I am unable to condone right here is dishonesty with the ladies concerned. You have not informed your girlfriend or the brand new girl about one another; that looks like mendacity so ye can have it each methods. It additionally makes me surprise when you’ve got been direct along with your girlfriend concerning the impossibility of marrying or telling others about your relationship.

These girls deserve the reality from you, even when it is painful. Begin there (and spare them the crutches of your responsible emotions and technical constancy). Chances are you’ll lose each relationships. However the appropriate determination right here, no matter which may be, requires honesty with your self and people straight concerned.

I’ve a sensitivity to fragrances. Sturdy perfumes can set off migraine complications in me. I work at a big college, and there’s a girl in my constructing who wears robust fragrance. After a couple of minutes within the copy room together with her, I’ve a splitting headache. A number of instances I needed to go house as a result of I can now not work. I do not know her personally, so it feels inappropriate to ask her to cease carrying her fragrance. Assist!


Perfume sensitivity generally is a arduous downside to deal with. Totally different folks have distinct triggers: scented shampoos, explicit meals, fragrant cleansing merchandise, perfumes. Totally different folks additionally expertise a variety of reactions — from delicate aversion to allergy signs to debilitating complications and nausea.

the kicker? Individuals carrying fragrances are sometimes unaware they’re inflicting an issue and unbelievable {that a} scent they like could possibly be offensive or dangerous to others. And never many organizations have guidelines about perfume. So let’s begin with some (admittedly smooth) self-help: Keep away from your co-worker when doable, and take a look at chewing robust peppermint gum or dabbing menthol below your nostril till the set off passes.

Going additional, I counsel talking on to the girl carrying fragrance. Personally, I’d be extra sympathetic to the struggling of a co-worker than to a memo from an administrator. Clarify your downside, with out blame, and chances are you’ll cooperate. This will likely appear burdensome, however until you wish to spearhead a coverage change about perfume at work, which you’ll, a political request is your finest first transfer.

My son’s highschool lately dropped his masks mandates. I’m a doctor who works with weak sufferers, so I proceed to masks voluntarily when I’m indoors in public. (We’re required to masks at work.) I’ve requested my son’s pals to put on masks within the automotive once I decide them up from sports activities follow. I even present the masks. However one of many boys must be reminded each time. I do not wish to be in struggle of wills with a 15-year-old. Is it mistaken of me to maintain asking him?


In fact it isn’t mistaken! Your automotive, your guidelines. (And on behalf of your weak sufferers, thanks!) I am unable to inform if the unmasked boy is being forgetful or oppositional. Both method, clarify your concern to your sufferers and inform him you’d fairly not remind him about masks each time you drive him house. It is a small request within the context of free chauffeur service. (And occasional reminders should be required.)

A buddy invited me to her wedding ceremony with a plus one. I used to be stunned. She is aware of I haven’t got a boyfriend. So, I am unsure what to do: reply that I will attend and not using a plus one or carry a buddy?


Each wedding ceremony (and wedding ceremony funds) is totally different. In my expertise, plus ones are often supposed for the common companions of invitees. (Let’s go away for one more day whether or not single visitors needs to be compelled to sit down by way of meals and dance events on their very own.) In the event you’d be comfy assembly up with mutual pals of the bridal couple at their wedding ceremony, the plus one declined. If not, name the bride and ask what she had in thoughts by inviting you with a visitor.

For assist along with your awkward state of affairs, ship a query to [email protected], to Philip Galanes on Fb or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.

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